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  • Writer's pictureJanice Gill

The 101 of Attachment: Understanding Your Attachment Style and Why It Matters

The term “Attachment" has gained traction as a buzzword over the last couple of years, but its significance runs deep and touches the core of our human experiences. Attachment is a fundamental aspect of human nature. From the moment we are born, we start forming emotional bonds with those around us, primarily our caregivers. These early relationships significantly influence how we navigate the world and relate to others throughout our lives. Attachment styles are the patterns of behaviour and emotional responsiveness we develop as a result of these early experiences.

Let's dive in and explore the different attachment styles:

1. Secure Attachment: Imagine a warm and loving embrace that provides you with a strong sense of safety and comfort. That's what a secure attachment style feels like. Individuals with secure attachment tend to feel confident in themselves and their relationships. They are comfortable with both intimacy and independence. They have a deep trust in others and believe that they can seek support when needed.

2. Anxious-Preoccupied Attachment: Now, picture a scenario where you're constantly seeking reassurance and worrying about your relationship. Anxious-preoccupied individuals often fear abandonment and may become overly dependent on their partners. They tend to be hypersensitive to cues of rejection and might struggle with self-esteem issues.

3. Avoidant Attachment: On the flip side, there's the avoidant attachment style. Imagine a beautiful garden surrounded by a high wall. Avoidant individuals tend to put up emotional walls to protect themselves from getting too close to others. They value their independence and self-sufficiency but might struggle with intimacy and vulnerability.

4. Disorganized Attachment: Disorganized attachment, sometimes referred to as “Fearful-Avoidant” Attachment, is like a rollercoaster ride, full of contradictions and confusion. Individuals with this attachment style often experienced unpredictable caregiving in their early years. They might struggle with emotional regulation, vacillating between intense desire for closeness and an equally intense fear of it.

Now, you might be wondering, "Why does understanding my attachment style matter?" Well, here's the heartfelt truth: Your attachment style significantly influences your relationships, your emotional well-being, and even your self-esteem.

· Communication: Knowing your attachment style can help you communicate your needs and fears more effectively to your loved ones. It can improve your ability to express your emotions and work through conflicts. · Self-Understanding: Understanding your attachment style provides insight into your inner world. It can help you recognize patterns of behaviour that may have been holding you back and empower you to make positive changes in your life. · Relationships: Your attachment style can affect the types of relationships you attract and how you navigate them. It's not uncommon for people with different attachment styles to be drawn to each other, leading to both beautiful connections and potential challenges. · Healing and Growth: By understanding your attachment style, you can embark on a journey of healing and personal growth. You can work towards a more secure attachment style, fostering healthier relationships and a stronger sense of self.


Remember: We are not limited by our attachment styles. They provide a foundation, but with self-awareness and the right support, we can evolve and create the relationships and lives we desire, and even work towards what is called an “earned secure” attachment style.

Understanding your attachment style is like shining a gentle light into the depths of your heart. It helps you navigate the labyrinth of emotions and connections that make up your world. By knowing your attachment style and why it matters, you can embark on a path of self-discovery, healing, and the creation of more fulfilling relationships. Be kind to yourself, and remember that you have the power to shape your attachment narrative and, ultimately, your life's story.


If you are seeking support to better understand your attachment style and experiences and how they relate to your present day ways of being and relating, our online counselling and therapy might be just the support you need! Our virtual therapy sessions provide a safe space and beacon of hope for better understanding yourself and your experiences and can help you to improve your relationship with yourself and with others.



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